Relationships require a lot of attention, work, and effort. With that said, they can be quite rewarding. If two people make a concerted effort to sustain a relationship, then there is absolutely no reason why the union cannot flourish. The support of a significant other or a friend could be just what one needs to accomplish a goal. No person’s life is ever diminished by having people love and support him or her.

Relationships do have the possibility of unraveling, sometimes so gradually that the persons involved have no idea what is happening. I generally think that the two people in the relationship are the only ones that truly know what is going on within that relationship, but sometimes those are are outside can have a clearer perspective.

As an individual, one makes conscious decisions that affect how they are perceived. The style of dress, the type of car they drive, the friends they choose, their behavior in public, etc. As a couple, shouldn’t the persons involved be just as conscious of how they are perceived by the public? This may seem contrived, and to an extent, it is. Some of the strongest couples are those who make the effort to create a united front, whether they have issues or not. In some cases, some issues may require a mediator of sorts, just to make sure the issues at hand are addressed, without dredging up memories of the past that have nothing to do with the present. One thing that strong couples do NOT do is bring up their own personal issues in front of others. This means petty arguments and disagreements should be worked out, sometimes even fought out, until an agreement is decided upon. Not every arguement ends with a winner. It may not even end in a complete resolution. The best case scenario is that both people felt that their side was heard, and the issue is laid to rest. Communication is key, and everyone around you knows when you cannot effectively communicate with your partner. For the record, insults are not considered effective communication. Degrading your partner in front of another person is abusive and unncessary. Just a sidenote!

All relationships require work, and no relationship is perfect. It is a work in progress, something that changes every day. When a couple decides to get married, they say “for better or for worse” in front of a well-wishing group. This does not equate to “if I get bored” or “if something I feel is better comes along.” A relationship’s strength is not measured on the days that are amazing, but on the days that are quite the opposite. Setbacks are the true tests of courage, loyalty, and understanding. It is very easy to stand next to someone who is successful. It is incredibly hard to see someone you love suffer and go through hard times, but those times are exactly when he or she needs someone.

My grandparents’ generation saw a time of great despair and very rough economy. Food was not necessarily a guarantee and luxuries were few and far between. In that time, married couples had to make tough decisions and had many uncertainties, but the devotion to each other, the need for the other person, kept the union strong. Most of the marriages from that time thrived because after the bad times were over, each person could look at their partner and see strength and a person who firmly upheld the values of marriage. I’m not naive enough to think this was easy. I’m sure there were plenty of times when giving up felt like the only option. In the end, the strength of those relationships is what led to me being born. Those relationships provided me with my friends and coworkers and everyone else in my generation.

And now…present day. What can I say? The world is becoming a smaller place, with more temptation, and more leniency towards the dissolution of relationships. Relationships and actions that at one time would have been deemed inappropriate and unnecessary are now broadcast on Facebook and Myspace. I’m appalled at what is accepted these days. The chance to make a clean break from a prior relationship is no longer an option, as these former partners have access to daily life updates and photos via the internet. While I understand that this point of view is highly old-fashioned, I also do not see a huge issue with that. A relationship cannot thrive if focused on the past. A couple should always give 100 percent to their relationship and take what they have learned in the previous relationships to better the current one.

I will be the first to admit that this is difficult. The maturity to sustain a relationship with the appropriate amount of honesty and respect is something that is learned. It is definitely not an innate behavior. While our generation uses past relationships to learn this, our grandparents and great-grandparents learned this together.

Both way have their own set of problems. Our grandparents married much younger out of need and custom, and did not have multiple relationships before entering into the ultimate relationship of marriage. Today, couples have a few relationships in their past before they settle down. This practice makes being old-fashioned very difficult and makes marriage seem like such an unattainable goal. The practice of having many partners in your lifetime creates a mindset that multiple partners is the norm. The truth is, the support and love that can grow from a long-term relationship is not something that develops overnight. Sure, the argument can be addressed that humans are not meant to be monogamous. There is something innate that is driving us to breed, and obviously, to populate the species quickly, that must be done with multiple partners since we typically only birth one at a time. The one thing that can deter from this argument is that relationship, that substantial, loving, and rewarding relationship is not one that develops from sex. It is one that develops because of a mutual love, friendship and understanding that is created over time. The feelings, though not necessarily supported by scientific fact, that we hold for another person, and that we have above all others, is what can disprove the theories that are against monogamy.

To sum everything up would be nearly impossible, but one thing is true. Sharing the world with someone is a hell of a lot better than walking through life alone. In the end, we do need passion, we need love, but passion fades and love changes, so the real luck is when you can find your best friend.

In the summer of 2007, I (along with 2 girlfriends) took an amazing trip to Italy. We started the trip in Milan, ended the trip in Venice, and made our way to Florence, Pisa, Rome, and Ischia along the way. The country is so beautiful and so rich in history and culture. Here is a journal of our journey, through pictures.

We started our travels in Milan. The airport was small and and Milan, in general, was a great place to start our travels. The city was relatively easy to navigate and we had an amazing hostel owner at the place we stayed. He spoke English, he gave us advice, and had breakfast waiting outside our door every morning. There aren’t too many worthwhile pictures of Milan, mostly just pictures with me and my friends. Imagine Milan as a giant shopping city with many designer stores, and a large piazza and duomos. The following is a photo of the piazza in Milan:

After spending a few days in Milan, we traveled by train to Florence. Florence, by far, was our favorite destination of the entire trip. Florence is a beautiful city, full of culture. We were able to walk everywhere, and the food was incredible–especially since the food in Milan was at best, so-so. The city is not a party city by any means. You are lucky to find a sleepy pub or outside bar. Alas, partying is not the reason to go to Florence! There is so much more to see. Some things we were not able to photograph. The famous statue of David is impressive and a gorgeous statue, but photography is not permitted. There were plenty of other photographs to take!

A view of the city of Florence:

The Arno River separates the city of Florence into two areas. It is absolutely gorgeous at sunset.

While in Florence, we took a day trip to Pisa, home of the famous Leaning Tower of Pisa. It is absolutely an amazing sight!

After we visited Florence and Pisa, we made our way to Rome. Rome is a beautiful city, but a much bigger place than we had visited before in Italy. The city is expansive, with so much to see! Our hostel was quite scary, so we ended up having to spend MUCH more at a hotel, but its location was amazing! We were one block away from the Colloseum and a wonderful outdoor concert arena was directly across from our hotel; we could hear plays and singing outside our window.

 

The Colloseum, exterior view (top) and interior view (bottom):

We also visited the Spanish Steps (top) and the Trevi Fountain (bottom). They are incredible, but very crowded, and also a hot bed of pick pocketers.

The most impressive part of Rome is Vatican City. It is beautiful and has the best gelato in Italy!

St. Peter’s Cathedral (exterior on top) and La Pieta, located in St. Peter’s (bottom):

Rome was an amazing city, and we had such a great time. The next stop on our “Tour of Italy” was Ischia, by way of Naples. Naples scared us. We were warned of the men that would follow American tourists (specifically women) once they arrived in Naples, and so we were quite cautious. Luckily, our time in Naples was not extensive…we simply had to catch a ferry to take us to the beautiful island of Ischia. The weather was hot! We had an uncomfortable wait until the ferry was ready. Once on the ferry, we took full advantage of the cool breezes!

Views from the ferry and of Ischia:

After the hustle and bustle of the previous cities, Ischia was a wonderful change. The weather was beautiful, the beaches were hot, the food was wonderful (I still have dreams of fresh mozzarella and homemade wine), and most of all–the people were friendly!

We were sad to leave Ischia, but for the last stop on our trip, we headed to Venice! Venice is the most scenic of all of the cities we visited. The weather was a bit chilly, but we were much farther north than the previous stops on our tour. The food returned to so-so varieties, and Venice was VERY expensive, but the views were completely worth it!

We also went on a search for Piazza San Marco, which was located at the end of a series of alley ways. We finally used local directions to find our way:

Once we found it, we were amazed. Covered in pigeons, the square was large and impressive. We spent time at the Cathedral of San Marco and the bell tower. The wind at the top of the bell tower was strong!

And these were my travel mates!

Recent days have found the general public to be quite impressed with public figures and their growing families. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, both actors, have taken the responsbility of children from impoverished countries and offered them the opportunity of a privileged life and a seemingly intact family structure. They have also had their own children to add to their family. As a family, the dynamic seems to work. The parents seem largely invested in their childrens’ lives and also have the financial stability to make sure that all children are properly fed, dressed and sheltered, and most likely, a lot left over to invest in their future, whether that may be in trusts or a college fund. While their family is quite large, they have the finances to cover their childrens’ needs and also have jobs that enable them to always have a full-time parent along with the working parent. The circumstances in which they have found themselves are ideal to raise a larger-scale family.

While their family has grown in a responsible fashion, others have not made the best choices. While this is entirely my opinion, it is necessary to discuss this in a public forum. The old saying “it takes a village to raise a child” is entirely correct. It is not only the guidance of parents, but also grandparents, teachers, and anyone else that may encounter the child and affect his or her future. This also includes anyone that becomes involved in the child’s life–on their own accord. Typically, a person forced into becoming a figure in a child’s life will not be the best influence.

This is why the Duggar family and the “Octo mom” make me so frustrated. Children were brought into the world to take care of their other children…not to fulfull their own destinies, but to fulfill the dreams of their parents. Their childhoods have been taken away. As a parent, your own desires do not need to be ignored, but a child’s dreams need to also take precedence in your life. As a parent, it is not unreasonable to have the older children help out with the younger children, but it is definitely unreasonable to make those children the burden of the older ones. You are the parent. As the parent, you should assume the complete responsibility of the the children and not just assume that the older children, or even in certain cases, assume your parents (who have already spent their lives taking care YOU) will take the brunt of the responsibility. Having 18 or 14 children was NOT the choice of those persons and it is unfair to take away from their quality of life to feed your own selfish desire.

The ones that suffer the most are the children. They are brought into this world and are at the complete mercy of their parents. Their intelligence and sense of well being is established in the very early years of life, but when they are competing for the attention of their parents, the level of success they could achieve later in life diminishes. Studies have proven that while the birth order of children in large families does not necessarily dictate that child’s future success or intelligence, the size of the family and the amount of  people involved who choose to take care of the children, does directly affect him or her.

Just for an example, in school, I struggled with math. It was a year to year fight to understand and to complete the work. I had the full attention of both of my parents, and it was still very difficult. My parents helped me with my homework and also gave me a lot of encouragement and support. They kept a watchful eye to make sure I didn’t fall behind and that is truly what made the difference.

What happens when the support has to be divided among 6, 8, 10, or 14 other children? What happens when a child is struggling with school work but his or her siblings are too? Yes, they could get a tutor, and extra help at school, but that is not always an option.

What happens when a child becomes ill and needs a lot of  additonal medical care? Medical bills can be quite costly and other children need their own general care as well. Does that mean that because of their large family, they have to suffer?

What happens, when the economy goes into a slump, and a primary breadwinner loses his or her job? That person goes hungry, and so do the groups of mouths they need to feed. In a family of 18, that means 17 people may not get their basic needs met.

What happens when the children look at college? While they might have had the chance to go to a large university and fulfull their full destiny, they might have to settle for a small community college or technical school (not that these choices are menial by any means, but simply that this is their only choice) or they may simply have to go straight to work instead.

I want to reiterate that this is simply my opinion. More to come…