On the 17th of April, I got married! On the same day, suddenly I became a wife. Wait, what?
I have to admit, I’m still confused about the “wife” part. I have absolutely no qualms about commitment. I truly believe that the decision to marry my husband was one of the easiest decisions to make. But, the minute the word wife became my title, I suddenly had a bunch of mixed feelings. I had a sudden urge to clean my house, plan the dinners in the household, and complete every bit of laundry in the house. I immediately realized that from this point forward, the current stage of cleanliness in the house would not be a direct reflection of my husband, but of me. (Conversely, I guess that the status of the yard is a direct reflection of my husband, but I digress). That is a lot of pressure. Especially since I am only half of my household, and the other half is still capable of making a mess from time to time. I picked up a basket of clean laundry for my now-husband, and I had a momentary flash of panic come over me, resulting in thoughts of “is this now my life?” Obviously, quite dramatic, but I didn’t realize how much these small things would take over my mind once I got married.
On the flip side of the homemaker-esque thoughts swirling through my brain, I suddenly had a wave of ambition come over me as well. I no longer wanted to play it safe when it comes to my career. It began to really matter what I was doing for a living, and I have an overwhelming need to really make my husband proud of me. It also became even more important to feel accomplished and challenged at my workplace.
The combination of all of these feels is quite overwhelming, and on top of all of it…there was more. At the wedding, I was looking at my husband as we were saying our vows. It suddenly dawned on me that no other words that I would speak would quite have the weight of the words I was saying right at that moment. I was nervous, of course, but that thought, as heavy as it is, brought a sense of calm over me that I have never felt before. I also suddenly knew that my history of hanging on to acquaintances and old friends who probably should no longer be in my life had to end. I now have the ultimate relationship, the ultimate friend, and on top of that, a close knit group of very good people I call friends…I don’t really need the hangers-on. I let go of the need to hang on to the past that day. It is truly a remarkable feeling.
But still…what are the requirements now that I am the “wife?” There isn’t a handbook on this new title. I guess I am going to have to figure it out as I go along. So far, I have to admit, I’m loving it. It’s a new adventure, for sure.