Recent days have found the general public to be quite impressed with public figures and their growing families. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, both actors, have taken the responsbility of children from impoverished countries and offered them the opportunity of a privileged life and a seemingly intact family structure. They have also had their own children to add to their family. As a family, the dynamic seems to work. The parents seem largely invested in their childrens’ lives and also have the financial stability to make sure that all children are properly fed, dressed and sheltered, and most likely, a lot left over to invest in their future, whether that may be in trusts or a college fund. While their family is quite large, they have the finances to cover their childrens’ needs and also have jobs that enable them to always have a full-time parent along with the working parent. The circumstances in which they have found themselves are ideal to raise a larger-scale family.
While their family has grown in a responsible fashion, others have not made the best choices. While this is entirely my opinion, it is necessary to discuss this in a public forum. The old saying “it takes a village to raise a child” is entirely correct. It is not only the guidance of parents, but also grandparents, teachers, and anyone else that may encounter the child and affect his or her future. This also includes anyone that becomes involved in the child’s life–on their own accord. Typically, a person forced into becoming a figure in a child’s life will not be the best influence.
This is why the Duggar family and the “Octo mom” make me so frustrated. Children were brought into the world to take care of their other children…not to fulfull their own destinies, but to fulfill the dreams of their parents. Their childhoods have been taken away. As a parent, your own desires do not need to be ignored, but a child’s dreams need to also take precedence in your life. As a parent, it is not unreasonable to have the older children help out with the younger children, but it is definitely unreasonable to make those children the burden of the older ones. You are the parent. As the parent, you should assume the complete responsibility of the the children and not just assume that the older children, or even in certain cases, assume your parents (who have already spent their lives taking care YOU) will take the brunt of the responsibility. Having 18 or 14 children was NOT the choice of those persons and it is unfair to take away from their quality of life to feed your own selfish desire.
The ones that suffer the most are the children. They are brought into this world and are at the complete mercy of their parents. Their intelligence and sense of well being is established in the very early years of life, but when they are competing for the attention of their parents, the level of success they could achieve later in life diminishes. Studies have proven that while the birth order of children in large families does not necessarily dictate that child’s future success or intelligence, the size of the family and the amount of people involved who choose to take care of the children, does directly affect him or her.
Just for an example, in school, I struggled with math. It was a year to year fight to understand and to complete the work. I had the full attention of both of my parents, and it was still very difficult. My parents helped me with my homework and also gave me a lot of encouragement and support. They kept a watchful eye to make sure I didn’t fall behind and that is truly what made the difference.
What happens when the support has to be divided among 6, 8, 10, or 14 other children? What happens when a child is struggling with school work but his or her siblings are too? Yes, they could get a tutor, and extra help at school, but that is not always an option.
What happens when a child becomes ill and needs a lot of additonal medical care? Medical bills can be quite costly and other children need their own general care as well. Does that mean that because of their large family, they have to suffer?
What happens, when the economy goes into a slump, and a primary breadwinner loses his or her job? That person goes hungry, and so do the groups of mouths they need to feed. In a family of 18, that means 17 people may not get their basic needs met.
What happens when the children look at college? While they might have had the chance to go to a large university and fulfull their full destiny, they might have to settle for a small community college or technical school (not that these choices are menial by any means, but simply that this is their only choice) or they may simply have to go straight to work instead.
I want to reiterate that this is simply my opinion. More to come…